What If It’s Not Attention-Seeking?
Let’s get something straight:
There’s a big difference between seeking attention and wanting to be seen.
One says, “Look at me!”
The other says, “Please see me.”
One can feel performative.
The other is deeply human.
And yet, for so many of us (women especially), we’ve been taught to treat them as the same thing—and to feel ashamed of both.
From the time I was a little girl, I can remember being told:
🙅🏻♀️ “Stop being dramatic.”
🙅🏻♀️ “Don’t be a show-off.”
🙅🏻♀️ “She just wants attention…”
The message was loud and clear: wanting to be seen made you bad.
It made you…
Too much.
Embarrassing.
Unlovable.
So I learned to play it safe. I made sure I:
✔️ Let others speak first (and doubted what I had to say in the first place.)
✔️ Rounded my shoulders and hoped no one gave my chest too much attention.
✔️ Dressed modestly to keep anyone from calling me “inappropriate.”
Any of that sound familiar? 🤔
But here’s the truth we were never told:
✨ Wanting to be seen is not a flaw.
✨ Visibility is not vanity.
✨ Witnessing is not weakness.
Being seen—truly seen—is a nervous system need.
And that’s not just some poetic sentiment—it’s biology.
But This Isn’t Just About Emotions…
This need to be seen? It’s not just about being understood emotionally.
It’s also about being seen physically—in our bodies, in the room, in the damn mirror.
And that kind of visibility comes with a whole different set of fears and shame, especially if you’ve spent your life being told your body is “too much” or “not enough.”
Let’s Nerd Out For A Sec 🤓
Humans are wired for connection and belonging—and yes, that includes being seen by other humans.
From the moment we’re born, our brains begin forming through relationships and mirroring. This is known as co-regulation—when someone meets our eyes, mirrors our expressions, and acknowledges us, our nervous system says: “Phew. I’m safe here.”
Neuroscience shows that being witnessed—emotionally and physically—activates areas of the brain tied to safety, empathy, and self-concept. That’s why being looked at with love can feel healing… And being stared at with judgment can feel threatening.
When no one sees us—or when we’re constantly told to hide or “fix” ourselves—we start to feel unsafe just being in our bodies. Even if no one says anything cruel, the silence can sting.
So What Does This Have To Do With My Body?
In a nutshell… Everything?
We’ve been taught that it’s only okay to be visible if you manage to meet the impossible beauty standards shoved down our throats.
If you’re thin enough, smooth enough, small enough? Show up, babe!
If you’re not? Well then, tone it down, honey. Better fix yourself and shrink.
No wonder we can feel stuck in this weird limbo between wanting to be seen and fearing what will happen if we are.
But here’s the thing:
You get to reclaim your right to be visible—without apology.
You don’t have to wait for permission.
You don’t have to wait until you “fix” yourself.
You don’t have to earn your place in the spotlight by being perfect, pleasing, or palatable.
You are allowed to be seen as you are.
Imagine This…
✨ Walking into a room without tugging at your shirt or hunching your shoulders.
✨ Laughing loudly without worrying who thinks it’s “too much.”
✨ Letting yourself shine—in photos, in outfits, in real life—because you don’t try to hide anymore.
This isn’t about demanding attention.
It’s about claiming your space.
Journal Prompt
Set a timer for 5–10 minutes, and let it all out (no censoring!) with this prompt:
📖 If I stopped worrying about being “too much,” what would I let the world see?
Write the raw, wild, tender, fiery parts of you that have been waiting to come to the surface.
And when you’re done? Read it back like a love letter.
Because it is.
You are not needy for wanting to be seen.
You’re just human.
And you’re worthy exactly as you are.
No shrinking required.
